we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if only i could text you this smell
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
