kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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