I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
