I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
