I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
