Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
