I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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