i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
