she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
