Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
