Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
