U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
