So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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