No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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