I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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