I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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