oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize