I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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