you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize