you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
