I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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