how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
