Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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