It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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