If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
