happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
