May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
