if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
