I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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