what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
how do you play pong handcuffed?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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