I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
