i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
