I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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