i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
