You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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