I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
