If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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