I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
