Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
