That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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