Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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