I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
