I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
