I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
