Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
