it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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