Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
