I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
