God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
