You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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