New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
