oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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