he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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