Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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