i think my tv is drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
