I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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