She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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