I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
