Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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