I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
