im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
