Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
