if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
