? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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