I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
