Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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