whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
