he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
