Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize