I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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