so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
