Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
