she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
