you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
