Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
