How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
