I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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