it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
