You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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